


Little Raver Boy

by Brain_Flower



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Abuse, Controversial Topics, Drugs, Fighting, M/M, Mentions of Mike Nash, Yelling, break ups, serious language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 13:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brain_Flower/pseuds/Brain_Flower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy just thinks of them as friends now…maybe not even that. So he pretends to be asleep when Adam presses closer to him because he doesn’t like drunk Adam, he likes the real Adam. The one begging for help…to get out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Raver Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very controversial topic I realize-do what you want with your life-but it's the only one you have so don't destroy it doing things that will ruin you.

-Little Raver Boy-

Adam apparently can’t see how much it hurts Tommy when he comes in drunk and loud and Tommy is trying his hardest to go to sleep for the third time that week. And Adam thinks he’s being quiet but he nearly yells, “Tommy! Are you asleep?” 

And no. Tommy is not asleep not anymore, but he can’t yell because there is no use in arguing. Adam won’t listen drunk or sober; he says Tommy is wasting his breath, his time because Adam is never giving up his raves. 

So Tommy gives up…not only trying to get the information through Adam’s head but also gives up on their relationship. Adam still thinks everything is fine that Tommy’s fake smiles are real that he enjoys when they kiss. 

But Tommy doesn’t…he hates that anything he tastes on Adam’s lips is alcohol and he hates that Adam comes home drunk almost every night. And hell! He almost hates Adam, except he cares and wants to be there just in case Adam truly needs help. 

Tommy just thinks of them as friends now…maybe not even that. So he pretends to be asleep when Adam presses closer to him because he doesn’t like drunk Adam, he likes the real Adam. The one begging for help…to get out. 

And Tommy doesn’t sleep. 

-_\/\/_-Siren Jax-_\/\/_-

The other thing is that Adam’s irritable the next morning with a wicked hangover headache and apparently Tommy needs to play house wife and make breakfast. There is no arguing involved, Tommy gets up and makes Adam food despite how early it is. 

If it doesn’t meet Adam’s expectations it goes in the trash until its right. And Tommy can cook but Adam is so freaking picky it’s almost impossible to deal with, so after three tries with the coffee Tommy snaps and says, “Maybe if you weren’t so damn reckless and stupid all the damn time then you’d be able to do things for yourself.” And he throws the cold coffee in Adam’s face. 

Adam is up in a second and advancing towards the blonde but Tommy runs and slams the bathroom door locking it before Adam can get in. “I don’t understand you Adam!” He screams, “Why did you throw away your whole life? You had so much going for you and you just ditched it. And even if you had to ruin your life why the hell did you have to ruin mine?” 

It’s silent on the other side of the door and Tommy sighs pulling out his phone and sitting on the closed lid of the toilet. He texts Isaac, tells the drummer he needs to get away from Adam and he needs to be rescued from whatever beast is waiting on the opposite side of the door. Isaac says he’ll be over as soon as he can. 

In the mean time Tommy moves to sit in the bathtub occasionally hearing Adam growl out something about knowing stupid inconsiderate people that lack an open mind. 

Adam apparently doesn’t put up a fight when Isaac comes in there’s a quiet conversation that ultimately ends in Isaac unlocking the bathroom door and saying, “TJ let’s go I’ve got a bag packed you can stay for as long as you need to.” Tommy leaves with Isaac throwing a worried glance over his shoulder at Adam. 

“Tommy…you don’t have to stay with him.” Isaac says when they’re in the car heading towards the drummer’s apartment. “You don’t have to live with him; don’t have to deal with his problem. He’s just bossing you around. Listen to me Tommy you don’t have to stay.” 

But yeah he does…nobody will ever understand that he just needs to stay. He feels it’s his responsibility to make sure Adam is alive and when Adam is sober he makes Tommy feel good about himself. Adam tells Tommy he’s beautiful and that he’s good and that people do like him and Tommy likes hearing that. 

Sophie is out visiting family so it’s only Isaac and Tommy and there’s cold pizza in the fridge and Isaac let’s Tommy pick a movie and Tommy doesn’t think twice about Adam. Isaac holds him close and Adam’s stupid hung over being doesn’t even matter. He sleeps for the whole night for the first time in a long time and when he wakes up there are no messages from Adam and Isaac made coffee with the perfect amount of sugar and bitterness. It’s really beautiful and quiet and Tommy wishes every morning could be like this. 

Unfortunately it can’t last all day and by noon Tommy’s getting calls from Adam and when he finally answers Adam says, “Baby” all pitiful and it reminds him of Jack Nicholson in The Shining when he’s locked in the freezer, “Please come home, I’m sorry about anything I said or did or made you do.” 

Tommy thinks it’s a terrible apology but he sighs out, “Adam we need to talk. Preferably face-to-face. We need to come to some kind of agreement, deal?” 

“Deal.” Tommy stays with Isaac one more night and goes home to a sober boyfriend waiting nervously for him. Tommy let’s Adam kiss him and hold him and gush things about how much he loves Tommy, how beautiful he is. “We need to talk.” 

Adam sits down at the table and Tommy does the same saying, “This whole party every night and come home drunk, high, loud…it’s got to stop. I can see you know a couple nights a week but not every God forsaken night, you know?” 

“I never see you making any attempt to stop me from going.” Adam blinks. 

“You’re right, one hundred percent right. I’m going to get better we’ll do something different rather than you going out to all these parties you just had so much going for you, your whole career and I don’t know what happened.” 

“Are you scared?” 

“Beyond belief.” Tommy breathes. Adam holds him for the rest of the night saying Tommy has nothing to fear just keeps saying it like a chant like he’s scared that Tommy is scared. Tommy dreams that he’s falling and it just won’t stop, not until he jolts awake and his fingers are laced with Adam’s. “Do you mean everything you say?” He whispers to Adam’s sleeping form. 

-_\/\/_-Siren Jax-_\/\/_-

Things look good a week passes Tommy has things planned they see movies, go shopping at Adam’s suggestion and they just learn to love and trust again. Adam mentions casually that in two weeks they’ll have been together for two years and even though Tommy figured it was over more than once he wants to do something special anyways because Adam has done so well. 

Adam keeps it up right down until the night of their two year anniversary. Tommy makes dinner and waits and waits and waits…and when seven rolls around Tommy drinks coffee and tells himself he won’t cry. Half past eight comes and goes and Tommy eats by himself and says, “Skeleton you are my friend.” Ten o’clock ghosts by with Tommy throwing plates and glasses and anything that will break and with midnight coming up fast Tommy angrily locks the house door, turns the lights out, throws picture frames down the stairs listening to them shatter and drowns it all out with Marilyn Manson in the bathroom where he finally cries in the shower. 

Tommy’s in bed, door locked, sniffling and trying to go to sleep when Adam comes in. It’s reaching half past two in the morning and the world is deathly silent until Adam barks, “What happened to this house? Looks like someone freaking robbed us!” There are more breaking sounds and Tommy hears Adam storm upstairs and pound on the door, “Tommy Joe want to explain what’s going on?” 

Taking a shaky breath Tommy chokes out, “Yeah I do.” He swings the door open and stares up at Adam with tear stained cheeks, “You did so well! You were so proud of yourself you didn’t come home a drunk asshole every night. And you seemed so excited about our stupid anniversary we had plans…and you went to one of your stupid raves and came home the drunk asshole you’ve always been. You chose the parties over me you inconsiderate twat! I gave you a second chance even though I don’t believe in them and you blew it! Guess that proves people really will never change. How stupid of me to think you would!” He slams the door in Adam’s face and packs a bag. 

“Where will you go?” Adam yells when Tommy comes out, “It’s two in the morning no one is going to be up to take you in and give you want you need. And this house is a wreck.” 

“Anywhere is better than near you.” Tommy spits, “I can’t believe you went so low as to forget our anniversary for drinking and drugs. Sleep on this Adam Lambert-as of now you have no one to hold you back from ruining your life, I’m not going to sit around and protect you anymore. What you do from here on out is on you, I hope you never put someone else through the same hell!” 

Adam watches Tommy storm out, watches his car pull out of his drive way and then he sits down and it all sinks in. He missed their anniversary, he pushed Tommy around, came home drunk and violent and Tommy still gave him a second chance that he threw away. And he can see he hurt Tommy so bad and he just now realizes that. 

So he sits down in broken pictures of he and Tommy happy and smiling before all the drama and he cries. 

-_\/\/_-Siren Jax-_\/\/_-

Dia Ratliff is sitting up at three in the morning trying not to fall asleep as she waits for her son. Something is wrong, she couldn’t make out what Tommy was saying but she did hear that he needed a place to stay. When Tommy gets in Dia almost says something but Tommy looks like he’s been crying so she hugs him instead. “Want to tell me what’s going on? People don’t just come home to their parent’s house on the night of their anniversary.” 

“It’s not even our anniversary anymore!” Tommy breaks down again and they sit down together on the couch, “We didn’t have an anniversary, Adam was doing so well we were going out so he wouldn’t have to go to these parties. And he was doing so well and then I made dinner for our anniversary and he forgot!” He takes a shuttering breath, “Totally blows it off and then comes home drunk and wants to know why I’m so upset!” 

Dia sighs, “Oh honey I’m so sorry. Let’s sleep on this, okay? Can we do that and then tomorrow when we’re both not about to pass out we can talk as long as you want.” 

Tommy nods, picks up his bag, sleeps in the room that was formally his, dreams about Adam…

-_\/\/_-Siren Jax-_\/\/_-

“So you make dinner and he doesn’t show up until two in the morning drunk as hell and wondering why you’re upset? But also on your part you trashed the house and yelled just as loud as he did?” Dia asks over breakfast the next morning. 

Tommy peers at her over the rim of his coffee cup, “Yeah…I was pissed, okay? Not my smartest move but he knew. I almost guarantee he knew and for some reason he chose the parties over me. God if he really did feel that way then he should have broken up with me.” 

Dia calls Leila Lambert later when Tommy is out running errands for his mother. Leila answers almost immediately with, “Hello Dia! It’s been awhile since we’ve talked, how are you?”

“Well actually right now I’m really tired and you’re just the person I wanted to talk to. Last night I got a call, 2:30 AM Tommy’s crying tells me he needs a place to stay. I was wondering if Adam called and you had more information.” Dia explains. 

“I have not heard from Adam.” Leila answers, “What happened?” 

“Apparently for their anniversary Tommy made dinner and Adam didn’t come home. He went to a party and got drunk and came in at two wondering why Tommy was so upset. Tommy did his share in the following events that lead up to their fighting by throwing anything that would break and by yelling just as loud as Adam did.” Dia tells Leila. 

“Dia Ratliff it seems the boys and the two of us are going to have to hold a meeting very soon to sort out all of this.” Leila says, “Dinner tonight?” 

“My house six be there on time or Tommy’s going to start asking questions. I’d say we meet out but I guess their problems aren’t for the public to see. Especially not paparazzi.” 

“Very well I’ll see you tonight.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Dia nods once. 

-_\/\/_-Siren Jax-_\/\/_-

Tommy comes in thirty minutes until six and Dia hurries him off to make himself look presentable for the friends she’ll be having for dinner. But she doesn’t mention to the blonde that when he comes down the stairs asking if any of her friends would be the creepy ones that asked if he was eating enough and hung around the catholic church like a crack whores in a cocaine factory, that Leila Lambert and that stupid son of hers would be standing there. 

“At least you won’t be asked for twenty five hail Marys!” Dia tries to sound hopeful to the dark cloud Tommy brought into the kitchen.

“There aren’t enough Hail Mary’s in the world to keep me from going to hell tonight.” Tommy mutters completely unhappy with the current situation, “Don’t you have better things to do than plan the perfect murder?” 

“Tommy honey.” Leila smiles a little bit, “Trust me when I say that I understand that what has happened has set you on edge and you are ready to snap all the way but can we just talk? Adam’s just as upset as you are and we have talked.” 

“Should have gone to Isaac’s.” Tommy says under his breath. 

The dinner table is divided Dia and Tommy on one side and Leila and Adam on the other side. The intensity of the situation is driving Tommy crazy and the way Leila and his mother carry out a conversation as if Adam and him aren’t ready to jump each other is amazing. 

Dia keeps glancing over at him and finally says, “Tommy Joe, eat.” And he feels like Scout in To Kill A Mockingbird when she’s being told to hurry up and eat for her first day of school. He doesn’t eat though, he wishes there was a dog there instead that’ll be something to think about closer to his mother’s birthday. 

To make Dia happy when they leave Leila and Adam to clear the table he unhappily takes “five big bites” which is something he was always asked to do as a kid. She seems satisfied enough and allows him a cup of coffee as long as he takes one in to Adam and actually hands it over to him. 

When Adam’s hand brushes his he tenses up but tries to play it off as nothing when Adam looks up at him. “Well.” His mother rushes past the awkward moments, “You obviously both know what’s going on and the sooner we finish the sooner you guys can decide how it’s going to be.” 

Leila says, “Adam you like to go out and party, Tommy you don’t.” Dia nods in agreement and that’s when Tommy stops them because no that’s not exactly right. 

“Not exactly, I don’t like raves there is a difference between liking to party and liking raves.” It seems the difference is failed to be seen so without more than a blink Dia goes on to say. 

“Tommy baby explain the problems you see with him going to these raves.” 

“First I wouldn’t have as much of a problem if he didn’t go every day and then come home drunk, stupid and loud when I am trying to sleep. And then there are the drugs he comes in high and acting like a total twat. Adam you had your whole career going for you I just want to know what made you decide to throw all that away for something as idiotic as getting high and drunk. I feel like you only love me when you’re shit faced and then I tried to help you and you did so well until our freaking anniversary.” Tommy tells them. 

“You haven’t even given it a chance you decided you didn’t like it before you even went. You’d probably have fun you just don’t realize it yet. I’m starting to not like you sober.” That hurts bad, “I’m sorry I missed our anniversary I didn’t get any help before that night.” 

“No…you say that as if it’s no big deal and maybe out loud I didn’t say ‘Yo Adam cut your party bullshit out’ but I dropped hints around like the books I’d been reading and plans on the fridge asking you to join me.” 

“Two years oh yeah that’s an anniversary to celebrate.” Strike two, “You think I cared about your books? And I don’t take orders from a sticky note on the fridge you can call me if you need anything. You’re just being a close minded brat that picked off fame from my career.” 

“The only thing you’ll be famous for is when they show your cold dead body on the news and then what? I won’t have you to say I told you so to.” Tommy yells. 

“Go to hell Tommy Joe Ratliff!” 

Leila and Dia both gasp and Tommy’s got a half empty cup of coffee going in Adam’s direction before he can be stopped, “Really go to hell? The unfortunate thing is you’re going first!” Adam stands up to tower over the blonde but without any class Tommy hauls himself up on the table rares back and his palm meets Adam’s cheek, “if you’re so confident that you’re invincible then I dare you to hit me, I dare you to go on believing that you just got slapped by your ‘boyfriend’, I dare you to never cry over me and to go one freaking week without wanting to text me, and I dare you to live your life without me there to wake your sorry ass up every morning and make sure you’re still alive. When you can do all of that then you can call me.” 

He looks over at Dia and Leila, “Has a decision been made?” He doesn’t say anything more he grabs his phone, gets down off the table and picks up his keys on his way out of his mother’s house. He can make one phone call and he’ll have somewhere else to go. 

“Where’s he going?” Leila asks as Dia cleans up the coffee that didn’t hit Adam’s chest. 

“I’m sure he’ll go to Isaac’s or Mike’s.” Dia murmurs but Adam shakes his head as he makes a bag of ice for the abuse done to his cheek. 

“No he’ll go to Sutan’s.” He knows the blonde better than originally thought, “And he’ll tell on me and Sutan will be pissed at me for making him upset so he’ll come pounding on my door wondering what I did to make his baby so upset. He goes to Mike’s when he’s angry, he goes to Isaac’s when he’s scared, he goes to Sutan when he wants me to experience as much pain as he did. The only reason I can think of that he’d come here was because he needed the love I failed to show him.” 

Dia finally breaks down and cries, “And how much fucking love did I show him?” She asks, it’s the first time she’s cussed in front of Adam and Leila, “Apparently not enough.” 

“But you did show enough.” Adam hugs her, “The rest of it is on me.” 

-_\/\/_-Siren Jax -_\/\/_-

Sutan Amrull has already heard what happened from his baby and is pulling tea together and digging ice cream out of the freezer along with the backup pair of sweat pants Tommy leaves in the drag queens closet for emergencies such as these. And when two pitiful knocks sound on his door he pulls an exhausted looking Tommy in and cuddles him to his chest. “Tell Tranma everything.” He says once Tommy has the sweat pants on, a blanket over his head and a cup of tea in his hands. 

So Tommy does starting with the beginning of Adam’s wild partying, the drinking, the drugs, and Adam messing with his already messed up sleeping patterns. Then he mentions Adam missing their anniversary and how he was at his momma’s house until she and Leila schemed and held dinner with the four of them and Adam hurt him and he hurt Adam and here he is now. 

By the time it’s all over with Tommy’s going on the loud shoulder shaking, breath catching, ugly, crocodile tears crying and has moved to curl up in Sutan’s lap, cheek on his chest. “Honey, honey.” Sutan says calmly, “Before I can even go on that crying is going to have to calm down or you’re going to be like a kid that doesn’t get their way so they cry until they make themselves throw up and Trandma loves you but she doesn’t like barf.” 

Sutan waits patiently while Tommy finishes the major crying into a gray t-shirt he keeps especially for moments like these. And then when Tommy doesn’t sound like he’s going to hack up his heart in their laps Sutan says, “Let me just say first of all I’m very proud of you for sticking to your opinion and not giving in. Why did you give him a second chance baby?” He asks using his thumb to wipe the tears and smudging black eyeliner off Tommy’s cheeks. 

“Because I was scared of what would happen if I wasn’t there every day. What if he was dead? Or needed me for some reason.” Tommy answers scraping the chipped black nail polish off his fingers. “I didn’t want to leave and then not ever be able to see him again. Although never seeing him again seems like a good idea right now.” 

“You know I’m going to take good care of you, and Adam is going to be sorry for ever hurting you. Forgetting your anniversary for a stupid party well he’s going to find out just how big of a mistake that was. That boy has lost his ever-loving mind, I’m going to put him back in his place don’t you even worry your pretty little head when I’m done he’s never going to forget any kind of anniversary, or important date ever.” Sutan rambles rubbing Tommy’s back. 

Sutan is still talking on about what he’s going to do when Tommy’s eyes start to close and there’s a break from the planning for Sutan to say, “You can go to sleep if you’re tired honey I’m just talking to myself now.” And so the blonde’s eyes close and he goes to sleep with his friend’s words getting quieter and harsher and it makes him happy. 

When Tommy wakes up he’s in Sutan’s bed and his shirt has been replaced with one that doesn’t belong to him. “I washed you clothes since it seems you left so fast you forgot to grab anything more.” Sutan says when he makes it to the kitchen. He’s handed a cup of coffee, “Adam will be over later so I can rein hell in his world but first I do believe you owe your momma a phone call, don’t you agree?” 

Tommy does and takes both his phone and coffee to the balcony of Sutan’s apartment. His momma answers two rings in, in an almost relieved way, “Oh Tommy Joe I’m so glad to hear from you honey.” 

“I’m sorry I left so suddenly and ruined dinner and maybe your table cloth I should have called you and told you where I was but I was so tired and upset and everything Sutan kept saying sounded so good. He told me I should call you.” 

“Don’t apologize honey we understand. Leila and Adam stayed the night hoping to hear from you they were just as worried they’ll be happy to hear you called. Adam will be over around noon I heard have Sutan go easy on him I feel a lot made it through his head after you left last night.” 

Tommy allows himself to laugh a little bit but he’s not sure if he even found it funny, “We’ll see what happens.” He says dryly, “I guess I should start looking for somewhere to live I mean I can’t go around picking off you and friends forever I suppose Mike still has my room open.” 

“Just wait until what happens with Sutan okay? Don’t rush.” 

“Momma.” He exhales, “I can’t do it all over again. I can’t pretend that I’m still in love with him I can’t pretend none of this ever happened and even if he gives it all up I can’t pretend that it will never happen again. You don’t just get over something it gets covered up by time but it never goes away and every time I look at him that’s what I’m going to remember.” 

She nods but he can’t see, “I understand baby.” She says quietly, “And I agree with you all the way. You were just so happy with him until all of that happened I don’t want to see you miserable I don’t want to see you with someone else that makes you unhappy but I guess in the end everyone is a traitor and they’ll leave you some way or another.” 

“Life sucks.” Tommy whispers pulling his knees up to his chest. 

“And then you die.” Dia says just as quietly, “You just have to go on living the way you want to and not caring what people think of you. You’ll always be my baby and you’ll always have Sutan to kick whoever’s ass hurt you.” 

Tommy laughs again, “I love you Momma.” 

“I love you too. Call me when it’s all over.” 

“Promise.” She hangs up and it’s over too quickly. He wants to be a kid again and not close her out like he used to. He wants to go back and talk to her more because she deserved it but she didn’t get it. 

-_\/\/_-Siren Jax-_\/\/_-

The honest truth is that Tommy won’t ever like Adam the same way. He’ll keep playing in the band for as long as they want him but he-probably-won’t fall victim to tour kisses that drag him down until he’s rooming with the singer. 

He thinks all of this while Sutan invites Adam in and they start talking. Tommy’s presence is requested to listen and put his two cents in where he finds it necessary but as soon as Adam and Sutan start talking he zones. It becomes a hum where he occasionally picks out, “Tommy, better, priorities, your fans, this fighting.” But nothing he thinks is important to him. 

“You’re in denial Adam Lambert!” 

“You just don’t understand me Sutan! None of you do, why can’t you understand that this is what I like to do and this is how I like to live.” 

Sutan slams a hand down on the table, “When are you going to freaking realize that what you are doing will get you killed? You have destroyed Tommy’s opinion on you! You missed your anniversary blew it off as no big deal and guess what? That cute tiny blonde you fell head over heels for is gone forever because you broke his freaking heart!” 

Sutan hasn’t been too hard on Adam in fact Tommy thinks he hit just right because Adam sits back and realizes he’s got no boyfriend now…he really doesn’t, and he cries. Feels good to Tommy, there’s all the tears he cried, all the abandonment he felt, all the pain he went through. 

Sutan is perfect…

“Do you have anything to add?” They’re both looking at Tommy, Adam with that guilty look in his eyes and Sutan with a disappointed frown. 

“Blow me one last kiss.” He breathes and Adam leans over and kisses the blonde. It’s not fair…he wants Adam but he doesn’t want what Adam’s done and could do in the future. He wants what they could have been, should have been, but they weren’t meant for each other it seems. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you and didn’t realize how bad until you were gone.” Adam tells him, “I hope you never have to go through this with anyone else. You deserve more than to be ignored by something so insignificant as drugs and parties.” 

Tommy cries after Adam’s gone-he’s sure he would have lasted longer-but Sutan tells him not to feel guilty because now he’s free and Adam needed space to think. Sutan plays Cyndi Lauper and other various 80’s pop music the rest of the afternoon and Tommy calls his mom to inform her of how it went down and how he’s already regretting it. 

“Tommy Joe.” Dia laughs, “Honey give it a little while, cool off and recuperate and if you both decide in a little while that’s the best idea well then that’s your choice. Be strong baby.” 

“I love you Momma.” 

“I love you too Tommy.” She says and then the line goes dead and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun fades into the background noise as he sits on the balcony of Sutan’s apartment and watches the city pass under him unknowing of everything going on in his life. 

“Well if you’re afraid of being lonely don’t try to be right.” He sighs and heads back inside. The world can wait for a day he’s taking a mental health day…a well deserved break from the never ending flow of stupidity. 

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me a lonely you. 

What an unlucky truth…

**Author's Note:**

> It’s a controversial topic so I don’t want to hear much about how I don’t have an open mind, I’ll write about what I want to write about. You can read what you want to read. I’m thinking of making a second part to this. Maybe in the end if I get a second part out I’ll take the time to combine the two into one really long one shot. I don’t know, we’ll see. Also there are several quotes in here that don’t belong to me and the whole Blow Me One Last Kiss…well listen to the song. Review-Siren Jax


End file.
